Wednesday, 7 October 2009

The Mirage

Right after I posted yesterday, I started to get a couple unusual twinges. And, being the pee stick princess that I am, I couldn't resist. I peed. On a stick. So much for going down in flames gracefully. Of course, there was one lovely control line and... one stark white placeholder staring back at me. Or... was there the faintest hint of a second line?

I blinked. And blinked again. Scrutinized the stick under the brightest light I could find. And no, it was just white. Pure white. Empty white. Empty, like my belly... white.

Unfortunately I know very well where the other line should appear, and I think my mind likes playing tricks on me. Don't get your hopes up. I've gotten faint lines before and this was not that. This was my brain knowing the truth, yet wishing, hoping, praying for something else. This was a negative test. And so was the next one. And the one after that.

And today, I don't feel those unusual twinges. I just feel like my period is imminent. So be it.

Sometimes it's good to hold hope, even for a brief moment. It reminds me that I want to carry on. How precious this dream is to me. I just pray that it won't forever be simply a mirage.

1 comment:

  1. Boo. Even if you're a completely practical, super-realistic gal, that ultra-white whiteness is a bummer. That little bit of hope really does let you know how much it matters, so it's easier to know what you want to do next. If you were just shrugging and saying "oh, well...", maybe it would be easier.

    Meanwhile, I hope the preschool search is going well!