Why? "Why?", I ask myself. I ask myself, "Why?" over and over. Why do I cling to hope? Not in big monumental ways, but little ridiculous ways. Like when I look at a patch of clover, why do I always hope that I'll find the four-leafed one? Why am I surprised in the morning that the laundry elves have not come to my house? Or that the giant zit on my chin hasn't magically disappeared? And why did I think that after seeing 5 antral follicles, that I would have five growing follicles? WHY? I've been through this drill before... 5 antral follicles does not 5 eggs make. Yet I allowed myself to live in a small fantasy world for a few days, and where did that get me? Here. Depressed.
I have 2 follicles growing, and maybe, maybe the barest hint of a third. I'm basically where I was during IVF #3 (only minus 1. And given the limited number we are dealing with here, it's a pretty big one!) So here's the deal... one 7 and one 10 (oh, and one 3 if you're looking really hard for things to count.) Sigh. I think that there is a reason The Doors lyric "This is the end, my friend" was going through my head, as my lovely RE was filling me in on the stats. The nose dive off the cliff of fertility. I'm in free fall, I fear.
But, as my wonderful husband reminded me, it truly does only take one. So, hopefully we'll at least end up with one. A good one. A strong one. And this time, a genetically sound one. (I just usually like to hedge my bets a little more.)