Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Uncross The Criss Cross

If you were holding your breath or crossing your fingers for me, you can stop. The final count...

Old Age - 3
Gwynn   - 0

Maybe it's just that life wants to make sure I experience a little bit of everything. Or maybe I'm just living that old adage "if you have to work hard for what you want, in the end you'll appreciate it more", but I feel like I've been through the wringer. (And no doubt others have been through worse. But damn it, this sucks!)  Other than OHSS, I think that there is very little I have missed out on while sampling the complete IVF Pupu Platter...

IVF #1 - infection from egg retrieval - BFN
IVF #2 - BFP
IVF #3 - miscarriage at 9 weeks
IVF #4 - canceled due to poor response
IVF #5 - 1 beautiful follicle but sadly no freakin' egg!!

I hope this is a lazy susan kind of deal where for IVF #6 we find ourselves back closer to the beginning rather than even further down the road. Sigh. Time to push away from the table and have a good cry before holding my head high and potentially charging ahead toward, hopefully, lucky number 6.


  1. I'm so sorry! I didn't even know that it is possible to have a follicle but no egg, and I'm so sorry that is what happened to you.

    I will keep my fingers crossed for better things for you with IVF #6. You have been through way more than anyone should have to go through with IVF. I'm sending a lot of hugs your way.

  2. Oh Gwynn. I'm so sorry. Stupid empty follicle. You are still looking forward--I say good for you. Have to keep believing. And I wish your "about me" didnt say that you were being a greedy person--you just want to give you heart and your soul what it wants--another baby. Keep the positive momentum when you can, and cry when you need to. Cuddle with the little guy. Just be. XO.

  3. Empty follicle? That just seems so unfair. Blah.

    I had to laugh at the pupu platter, though - I have also wondered what I haven't sampled yet, hoping that I don't get horrible complications down the road. There is definitely a macabre aspect to IVF, what with the grim statistics and the life and death of it all...

    Good luck with 6 - that is the number of cycles that most clinics recommend us oldies be willing to try, after all!

  4. Gwynn, thank you so much for de-lurking and commenting on my blog. Thank you for letting me know that you had a story I should read. I just finished reading it, and I must say, it was so beautifully written, so tragic, so beautiful, such a happy ending -- I am moved and touched. If an "s" shaped femur could simply be a bump, I have renewed hope that a short femur might not be short at all.

    And now I read your current post and find you just suffered a huge disappointment. I am so sorry. The fact that a beautiful follicle can grow without anything inside of it is just another of nature's mean and dirty tricks. I hope 6 is the lucky number.

  5. Hello!

    My name is Elisabeth, and I am an infertility / repeated pregnancy loss "veteran". You can read a little bit about me and my experiences in my blog: drhousewife.blogspot.com . I am completing a PhD in Counseling Psychology, and my dissertation is focused upon the impact of infertility on marriage. I believe strongly that there is a need for better support services for men and women who are undergoing IF diagnosis and treatment, and my hope is that this study will aid in the development of such services.

    I am contacting you after stumbling across your blog. I am recruiting participants for my study, and wanted to invite you and your husband to take part. All that would be involved would be the completion of an online survey, that would take approximately 20 minutes. All couples who complete the surveys will receive a voucher good for a pair of free movie tickets at a Regal Cinemas.

    Please let me know if you are interested by emailing me at UTInfertilityResearch@gmail.com .


  6. I just found your blog on stirrup queen and wondered where you are in your journey. I'd love to know... A Bumpy Ride x

  7. This post was a long time ago...A lot of water over the dam since then. Do you ever re-visit these thoughts now? It might be interesting to give perspective to your life. Life is a series of mixed blessings & unwanted challenges. So many blessings have come your way! Do you even think about that? Gratitude is good for the soul. You are loved by so many!